New Super Hero needed!

I’m wondering if its time for a new super hero to come to the rescue of our civilisation?  I grew up with the comic book Phantom and his mysterious dog Devil who came to the rescue of many unfortunates.  Then there was the caped crusader, Batman, and his sidekick Robin who kept the lowlifes of Gotham City in check (as an aside I really enjoyed the Batman ride at Movie World on the Gold Coast).

Super Man was probably the most well known super hero in my earlier days. Who can forget reading about the reporter Clark Kent stepping into a telephone booth and doing a quick change into Super Man then flying off to save someone from danger or disaster.  Perhaps that’s our problem – not enough telephone boxes around the place and Clark Kent has to go in search of one resulting in him being too late getting to the scene of the action.  There’s a telephone booth near the Port of Napier gates but its windows are often broken.  Maybe time, and our preference for fine food and wine, has caught up with Clark like the rest of us and, having put on weight in his older age, he keeps sticking his elbows through the glass of the telephone booth.  As a result by the time he rings up Telecom to report the damage its too late for him to fly off on his mission.

Super Woman was the gender balance for Super Man but perhaps time and good food has caught up with her as well and she can no-longer get into that outfit with the extremely narrow waist.

So we need a new super hero, someone who can fly to our rescue averting financial collapses, expanding credit limits and staving off creditors with mighty blows.

Thanks to the imagination of my grandsons perhaps there’s hope for us yet and suitably qualified super heroes might want to apply for these positions.

Super Mark(et): living in the bowels of a warehouse somewhere is a person who could take on the role of Super Mark(et).  The primary tasks are to fly (or perhaps ride at high speed in a super market trolley) to the rescue of old ladies whose shopping bags break or mothers with kids who create mayhem in the aisles or housewives struggling to interpret grams per $ or calories per kilo.  Super Mark(et) would appear in a puff of granulated sugar and offer the old lady some plastic handles for her broken bags, or a smack around the ear for the obstreperous kids, or he’d whip out his trusty calculator (solar powered of course) and calm the befuddled housewife.  Then we could get him to take out a large felt pen and with one stroke reduce all those prices thus reducing in an instant the cost of living.

Super Ann(uation): so that there is gender balance this position of Super Ann(uation) will provide respite for the elderly and aged and those of us struggling to make ends meet.  Super (Ann(uation) will infest all our computers and hence our bank accounts to make all those money problems go away.  With her X-ray vision coming to our aid we’ll know what investments to make and which ones to avoid as Super Ann(uation) probes the dirty dealings of financial advisors and speculators.  Able to tear a Company Annual Report in half with her bare hands she will reveal all that lies behind smarmy words and  columns of financial numbers.  Rounding up loose change and spare cash Super Ann(uation) will bring much happiness to people who might otherwise have to trade in their walking frames to buy their lotto tickets.

Anyone interested in applying should fill out an application form and send their $5 application fee to me.  They should also send this to 10 other people inviting them to send it to 10 more and so on, each time sending me $5.  That way I am sure Super Ann(uation) will be looking after me and I’ll be able to enjoy the services of Super Mark(et) more often.





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  • Robin Turner  On August 1, 2011 at 4:44 am

    I think superman couldn’t get the appropriate permit and is still awaiting liability insurance to be approved.
    Bring on the new super heros!!

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